Snuggle

 Someone's getting some snuggle time in this house...but it isn't me.
But, seeing this makes my heart smile :)


Shades of Grey

I recently completed the Shades of Grey trilogy.

I was slightly underwhelmed at completion.  With all the hype I was expecting this book to rock my world.  I was expecting that I, being the avid and obsessed reader that I am, would immediately want to re-read it the moment I was finished.  But, that did not happen.  I was almost glad to finally have it finished.

I did not jump on the Grey train anticipating a deep and though provoking work of literature - I'm not crazy.  I knew going into the trilogy that they were basically glorified Harlequin Romance novels, although ... I don't recall the words "throbbing" or "member", which I suppose would make it stand apart from those particular works.  It was, however, saturated with ... well, frankly... sex.

I read the first pages with a small level of disappointment - and then as the story continued I got sucked in.  Much like many other women in America who are currently obsessed with these books, I read for hours before putting it down.  By the end of the first and on into the second book, I had already made the determination that the second book was much better than the first.  Halfway through the second book, though, I lost my momentum... and I thought the story did too.

I grew tired of so. many. friggin. love scenes.  And, if she talked about how breathtakingly beautiful he was one more time I was going to hurl up my breakfast.  I thought that after a while - the plot line grew thin and it was just a jumble of I love yous, hastily thrown together turmoils, with a whole bunch of sex tossed in to cover up the fact that the author just couldn't weave a worthwhile story. 

I would still say, if you want a book to pass the time - maybe on the beach this summer - then this trilogy would be a good time filler.  And, for a moment, it would definitely give you some brain candy...food for thought, if you will.  I'm not going to lie - I envisioned Ryan Gosling as the brooding, hotblooded, heavy handed Christian Grey throughout the entire trilogy.  (Um, Crazy Stupid Love and that six pack, yum!)

Just do not go into these books expecting anything more than erotic fiction.. because simply put, that is what they are and nothing more.

For any of you ladies that have yet to read the book, I give you this:

http://scallywagandvagabond.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/ryan-gosling-2.jpg 

MMMMM HMMMM.... You're welcome. ;) 


Oh Ryan, you spoil me...
 
via 

Inspiration

Two whole days in and I'm still feeling confident.
I worked out yesterday for the first time in a very long time, and no, I'm not admitting how long.
But, I did it - and it wasn't fun, but I got through it.

And I just have to keep telling myself that I am so much more than those donuts in the break room...








Clarity

I did it again...
Lied to myself and a lot of other people.  I told myself and everyone that I was going to do it right this time: Get on the diet train and ride it all the way to Skinnyminnytown.  But, just as usual, 2-3 weeks into my trip I jumped off at Toodamnlazytown, and never got back on.

I HAVE GOT TO STOP. 

I went to my cousin's wedding this weekend.  Beautiful, lovely, fun wedding for two people in love.
I enjoyed myself with friends and family and had a great time.
But, I had my picture taken.  It was bad.  It was morifying.

And even I could not deny that I've lost the battle. 

The History:
My whole life I've been overweight, minus those approximately two years in college I was slim.  I won't say skinny - because this body has never been skinny.  I was healthy.  I was wearing clothes that other girls my age were wearing, sharing clothes with friends, looking good, enjoying life.  In the years prior to that, I'd lost a good amount of weight in about 8th grade (but I was still bigger than most of my friends) and then over the course of high school I'd gained it all back. (Every weekend trips to the Olive Garden with my girlfriends definately wasn't helping to keep any weight off, that was for sure)  Then, my freshman year of college instead of gaining the freshman 15 - I lost it.  And continued on until I reached my lowest weight the summer before my senior year.  But, through my senior year of college, the weight began to creep back on. Slowly - very, very slowly - but it was coming back nonetheless. 

College - 2004

Some of my Pledge Sisters and I - 2004 (I'm second from the right)

S'more of my sorority sisters and me - 2004
I moved home after college without a job (as many college graduates are doing nowadays) and fell into depression.  I never really said "depression" outloud to anyone.  I never admitted that I was ashamed, embarrassed, and felt like a failure.  But in the year or so after college - I was depressed, struggling to keep my head above water and wondering what I had done wrong to be so undeserving of a "decent" job.  My eating habits followed along with my inner turmoil and I stopped being as active as I once was in college (when I held two jobs, a full time class load, and sorority with its own demanding schedule).  My weight continued to climb.

2007
 


2008 - even bigger







In 2009, my husband proposed and I tipped a toe in the diet pool, but never fully waded in.  I did lose about 20 pounds and while I didn't feel great or beautiful in my wedding dress, I accepted my weight loss and did feel proud that some clothes were getting too big.  Then we settled into wedded bliss - and this has been my ultimate downfall. 



The word "sated" comes to mind.  Similar words are full, satisfied, BURSTING... I was full of love, satisfied with life and BURSTING at the seams.  It doesn't help that I've never been great in the kitchen - and my idea of keeping things original is finding what new recipe Campbell's has published on their latest soup cans.  In the past two years - even when I say that I'm done; even when I cry my eyes out and curse myself, and look in the mirror with complete and utter disgust - I just continue on with my bad habits.  Acting as though someone else can change this for me, that I shouldn't have to put in the work, or that this is just the way I'm going to be for the rest of my life and there is nothing I can do about it.  In the past two years - I've gotten out of control, past any point that I could have dreamed I would ever be; Wearing clothes in sizes that I used to say "If I ever got into that size I would definately do something about it" and not doing anything about it other than be miserable. 

In the past two years, I've lost my ability to say no.  Do you want to go out to eat? Um, yes I do -- even though I know I shouldn't.  Do you want to go get some lunch at the mexican place down the road?  Absolutely, even though I know there isn't really anything there I should be eating.  Do you want and stop for some ice cream?  Hells yes I do, even though I really don't need any ice cream.  Do you want the rest of this _______________ ?  Sure, if you don't want it.  I...just...can't...say....no, and it's killing me.

I know in the past I've said that "this is it"  I'm making a change, but I'm not going to say that - because I don't want to be a liar again.  But I am going to say I'm going to try.  I am going to say that I can't do this anymore.  I am going to say that crying about it and yet still not doing anything isn't going to get me from this place to where I want to be.  I am going to recognize that I know what needs to be done - I just need to actually  DO IT.  I am going to say that I know I can do this, and that I'll be a better person for it. 




Two Years

Seven years ago my best friend suggested I go on a blind date.  I scoffed at her, "I don't DO blind dates" and I didn't.  I still wouldn't...  But, if I had - I'd have started dating my husband earlier by two months.

After I firmly rejected the idea of a blind date - fate intervened.
We've been living 'happily ever after' ever since.

Happy Anniversary to my very best friend.
I know every day that I am blessed beyond measure to have you as my Husband.


Life Lately

I always feel a little foolish exclaiming my presence on my blog - or rather, my lack thereof.  I doubt anyone's lives were severely diminished due to my extended absence, but I like to think of myself as just that important ::wink, wink::.

But seriously.  I've been in a slump lately.

I started my new job two months ago, and going from an office of two other people to an office building of several hundred has not been the easiest transition on my immune system.  I've deemed it the "adult preschool" situation.  First, I had bronchitis (which still rears its ugly head anytime I want to laugh with any type of vigor) and that kept me down for, oh - about three to four weeks.  Then, once I started feeling a little better, I caught a stomach bug.  I've been down for the count and not wanting to do much of anything, much less pretend my life is anything but BOR-ING.

We did get out of town last weekend to head to Tennessee to see a good friend and her precious new baby girl.  Unfortunately, despite all my talking about taking more pictures -- I got one.  And, it isn't even a good one.  She is a cutie. ::baby swoon::


A very few other pics from the trip... and then one of Boomer thrown in.  Because he's cute, and he can make any thing better.


Speaking of not taking many photos...
I've basically not met any of my goals in terms of taking more pictures.  I've been meaning to take part in the photo a day challenge I've seen floating around the internet since January, but halfway through a month I'll remember randomly that I've not taken any of the pictures on the list and just write it off until the following month, where the vicious cycle starts again.  But, this month since I'm feeling better and things are getting back on track I am planning following along with the photo a day...

Since I missed posting one for yesterday, I'll just post both yesterday and today's now :)


Peace

Skyline

Sunshining

The sun is shining and its warm outside.  The dogs are begging to play.

How can you say no to this?